Aristotle has said, “Without friends no one would choose to live, even if he had all other goods.” Alone together may well describe the accelerating trajectory we are on in our current cultural moment. Technology’s promise of greater connectedness has actually pushed us in the opposite direction toward loneliness and isolation.
One of the biggest take-aways I got from the Q 2019 Conference last week was our deep need to be relationally connected, and not just to those who look like, talk like or think like ourselves. Relationships will always require some effort and work on our part, but in our current context, they will also require intentionality to build healthy relationships. This is especially true for the typical American male. I have found that three different types of relationships are necessary for building a healthy “web” of relational connection.
The first is a father/mentor/coach relationship. This one is probably the most challenging connection to initiate, but with patient intentionality, this one can be one of the most fruitful investments of time we can make. In the Bible, the apostle Paul mentored and developed many younger protege’s, giving them an up-close-and-personal look into his life. Many men today honestly don’t feel they have much to offer a younger generation, and that is just sad! Some men are often afraid or self-conscious when examined closely by others. We’ve got to get over that wall, and trust that influence doesn’t come from our perfection, but from our transparency and humility.
The second necessary relationship is with near peers. Everyone needs at least two friends by our side who know us well enough to not be overly impressed by us, who will be honest, but faithful through the ups and downs of every relationship. The apostle Paul had Barnabas by his side who gave him his influence, allowing Paul access to a community of early Christian leaders who were skeptical that his conversion to Christ was genuine. Barnabas was actually a nickname given to Joseph of Cyprus, which means “son of encouragement.” Who doesn’t need a little more encouragement?! Barnabas was also willing to stand his ground when he and Paul didn’t see eye to eye. “Truthing in love” is essential to healthy relationships
The third necessary relationship is at least one person to be investing time into as a “Timothy.” Paul had a special relationship with a young, eager and teachable follower named Timothy. Paul referred to Timothy as “his true son in the faith,” and did everything within his power to train and empower Timothy to carry out his God-sized life calling. Without giving out to others, we become bloated with information and resources, and eventually stagnate, stale or dead! All you have to do is open your eyes to the endless opportunities to make a significant investment in the next generation, and offer what you have. The benefits ALWAYS go both ways when we choose to invest in helping others along.
Ultimately we all need and desire a human touch. We love to laugh! We need to laugh! We enjoy eating in the company of others, and especially if we can share that time with friends. We need advisors/counselors/ coaches who give of themselves, and not just because we are paying them. We want to know that our lives matter, and usually we gain that by affirming others that they matter, maybe more than they realize.
